7 Things I’d Tell My Burnt-Out Self.
Around this time last year, it seemed as though I had everything going my way professionally. I was working a student internship in Dublin in a respectable bank, and I had just begun my time as the UN Youth Delegate for Ireland; with trips to Geneva and New York already under my belt. It was also around this time that I suffered severe burnout, and had to prematurely leave my internship, pack up my things, and return home to my parents.
While I was making great gains professionally, I was simultaneously turning myself into an over-anxious, emotionally-drained shell of a human. Quite different to the ambitious and outgoing persona I had created on the contrary to this (and thankfully, a lot different to how I am nowadays again). I dug myself into a mental hole for about six weeks. I spent most of my time — about 20 to 21 hours a day — laying in bed, and ate the equivalent to one meal daily.
The silver lining to the COVID-19 lockdown has been the abundance of time I’ve had to reflect on this past year. Even writing out the experience of last year almost feels like I’m talking about somebody else, which I’m grateful for. However, remembering what it was like to be in that situation, always makes me realise how far along the journey has come. It’s remembering that journey which made me question what advice I would have given myself one year ago, if I had the opportunity to go back in time, pull myself out of the bed, and give myself a sit-down which would have benefitted me greatly (the same advice I find myself giving to quite a number of other people since, especially since lockdown).
With that in mind, I’ve written out 7 things — call them guiding principles, a manifesto, directions for life — that I know I would have found most helpful in getting me away from the mist, and back on track in my own life again.
1. Stop the constant comparison.
It’s killing any chance you have of a bit of happiness and peace. Look to others for inspiration, but stop cutting yourself down when you’re looking at other people’s perceived success — you’re going through your own ups and downs, and they’re undoubtedly going through their own.
2. Aim for improvement, not perfection.
Stop being such a perfectionist. It is neither noble, nor endearing. Focus on improving the things you do in life, rather than always seeking the ‘perfect result’. Sorry to burst your bubble, but chances are you’ll never get it perfect anyways. Just look back on where you were yesterday, last month (or in my case, last year), and work on making incremental improvements to your life.
3. Talk about it.
It is a very difficult thing to do for the first time. And maybe the time after that. And maybe even that time after that. But keep doing it. Use whatever support network that you feel most comfortable with, and trust, at that time — family, friends, colleagues, counselling services, online support forums. You don’t need to have it all figured out in your own head either. The mind can be a tricky thing to understand, so even if it’s saying something simple like “I’m feeling this way, and I have no idea why”. You’ll be surprised at how much of a relief you can feel from getting that much off your chest.
4. Write it out.
It can be illegible. It can make no sense. It can feel like absolute garbage that doesn’t go any further than 2 lines. But getting into the habit of writing out where you are at, how you are feeling, anything that’s in your head, will be one of those habits that you look back on in a year’s time and thank yourself for doing it. It doesn’t have to be ‘every day at 5am’ as some people may preach about; just whenever it is that you find yourself with some spare time, or when you find your headspace getting hazy. Get it out of your head, and onto a page/notes section/document, for some mental clarity, if nothing else.
5. Relax, man.
Seriously, take a break from time to time. Stop being busy the whole time, because regardless you’re far from productive for the most part. Allow yourself to shut off and take the foot off the gas. Get outside, or do the hobbies you love to do that don’t involve a blue light staring you in the face. The emails, phone calls, papers and tasks will always be there; afford yourself some relaxation time without letting guilt hang over your head.
6. Work to live, don’t live to work.
This is my go-to saying when I’m trying to remind myself to “Relax, man”. Work is extremely important, but it’s not everything. I always ensure to take my work very seriously, whether it’s within the UN, with Moyo Nua, or the other things I find myself engaged with; but you have to create a definition between yourself and your work. Having outlets to shut off, and having an identity/life outside the office setting gives a new lease of life. One that when you discover it, you’ll always ensure it remains.
7. Don’t be afraid to speak out about it.
I’ve been fortunate enough to address the issue of mental health, and my own trials and tribulations with it, twice at the UN General Assembly. I had a number of other UN Youth Delegates come up to me after I had delivered my second speech (I can recall nine of them); opening up to me in private about their own struggles — everything from low mood to self harm and more drastic actions — and the solace they had found in being able to relate to another person about these things. It hit home at how effective something as simple as speaking about it can be for other people.
So the final bit of advice that I would give to myself from a year ago, is that there will be a point in the not-too-distant future where you will have not only gotten those demons off your back, but you’ll be in a position to help other people with their own struggles (even though you may be shaking like a leaf when you’re doing it). Someone may gain something truly valuable to them from it, which will cancel out any fears, self-doubt, and negativity you’ll have from taking the time to speak out about it.
There will be many, many peaks and troughs along the way, but you’ll pick up some good little nuggets and mechanisms for taking these in your stride. You’ll meet, work with, and interact with people that will try to make your day, and also those that will try to ruin it. But in a year’s time, despite living in a virus-made global lockdown, you’ll be happier, healthier, and stronger for it; and will finally be able to relax, man.
